Growth

Every time I set course to do something intentionally, whether it be writing reflectively, painting a picture, or filing an expense report, I wonder to myself whether God will show up yet again to make it happen. This may come across as an odd thing to worry about. After all, the God of universe, my God, is the Almighty. Nothing is too small for Him to accomplish, and nothing is too great for Him. However, doubts creep in:  
 

Will He do it this time? Will He show up? Will He draw near, moving my heart and mind toward the right and avoid the wrong? Will my own ideas of right-ness get in the way of what is actually right? 

Circumstances continue to come up in my life—some I can control, but some I can’t. I often lose track of who I think is in control in a given situation. In my marriage, I am in control, but also my spouse is in control, but also God is control. In my immediate family, I am in control, they are in control, others in my family are in control, and God is in control. In my ministry, in my church, in my neighborhood, and my city. In the things that keep my up at night, in the things I process in my sleep. In the sins of others and in my own sins. 

There are times that I feel like I’m growing, and I can almost see growth happening in real time. There are other times that it seems like I’m regressing and shriveling up on the vine. 

The times that I seem to notice the most growth are when I stop doing what I had done before and begin to do the things that God seems to be drawing out of me. Growth slips through my fingers when I rely on muscle memory to coast through life. Intentionality and sensitivity to the Spirit enrich my life, causing me to grow, benefiting many. 

Time and time again I come back to this idea that God is in the details. He sees me and knows me. He provides for my needs, even beyond what I can see. So why fret? Is growth passive or active? I need not worry about whether I’m growing. If I commit to Him, then He will take care of the rest. 

Sean Thelen