There are lyrics by a little indie band called mewithoutYou that have stuck with me ever since I first heard them as a 14-year-old full of teenage angst (any other “emo kids” out there?) and as a brand new follower of Jesus:
“Blind as I’ve become, I used to wonder where You are –
these days I can’t find where You’re not!”
I look back on my life and can see this thread of God’s love being poured out over my life, even before I ever took any step of faith in relationship with Jesus. I’ve come to see that there’s never been a point where Jesus hasn’t been moving and working in the big and small aspects of my life. He knit me together in my mother’s womb and continues to knit together this incredible adventure alongside Jesus in the fields of the harvest.
The Lord was sowing seeds to follow this path I’m on to become a spiritual director through roots in Catholic elementary school where I thought monastic practices were the coolest things ever (shout out to all the nuns who changed my life). The Lord seeing me write (and probably chuckling at me) “it’d be rad to serve the Church in Europe one day” on a get-to-know-you form my sophomore year of my undergrad (oh, how little I knew back then). The Lord intimately knowing the depths of my city-loving, extroverted heart and providing a miraculous opportunity to move into the heart of the city I love so much.
Living with Jesus is living with the One who knows me and loves me the deepest. Elsewhere the Psalmist says, “because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you” (Psalm 63:3 NET) and nothing else could feel truer. There isn’t a single aspect of my life that I can’t find the Lord’s fingerprints. Even, and especially in my deepest flaws, sins, and failures, I can see the Lord renewing and restoring. And reading through and sitting in the comfort of Psalm 139 shows me that it’s not just that I’m living life with Jesus now, but the beautiful reality that the Lord has been living with me before I could even comprehend it.
I still can’t find where He’s not. And, praise God, I firmly believe I never will.